|
1. |
|
|
|
|
Instead of sad songs
Give me one long
Rama lama doodle all the day
I could spend my whole life playing
In a regionally famous band
I could spend my whole life saying
I’m a reasonably blameless man
I could spend my whole life swaying
In the breezes of an aimless plan
I could end my life by my own hand
and it would be okay
If my swan song
Could be one long
Rama lama doodle all the day
One long silver thread that goes
From a spool stuck down my throat
To the sky to crochet clouds
I could spend my whole breath sputtering
At sentences that don’t come out
I could spend my whole breath chattering
At shit I don’t know shit about
I could spend my whole breath muttering
The shit I’m too controlled to shout
The shit I’m scared I’ll say someday out loud
It can be okay
If my swan song
Could be one long
Rama lama doodle all day
I could make a choir of angels sing
Earn your halos, angels, earn your wings
I’m in Heaven with the sound of strings
With all my soul I thank you for these things
Make it all okay
Make our swan song
To be one long
Rama lama doodle all the day
I could spend my whole life trying
To be better than I’ve ever been
I could spend my whole life sighing
Over settlements and dividends
I could spend my whole life lying
And pretending it would ever end
I’d be wondering whether and if and when
It would be okay
For my swan song
To be one long
Rama lama doodle all the day
|
|
2. |
|
|
|
|
It’s just one more fact to swallow
And it’s such a bitter pill
We are born tough acts to follow
And I guess I never will
Say I’m in it for endorphins
Say that’s all I’ll ever be
If I’m good enough for you
I’m more than good enough for me
So here we go
I’ve been this way before and
I’ve been past your door and
Kept on walking
In a circle again
And I don’t kiss and tell except
In utter solemnity
With someone who can accept
What should be condemned in me
And when I get all verklempt
My cleverest hopes expire
I cannot afford contempt
For anything that’s desire
I attempt from love’s sickness
To fly in vain
Since I am myself my own fever
Since I am myself my own fever
And pain
Knowing you is something special
I was wholly unprepared
Now my thoughts are all unrestful
And my soul is sick and scared
But I’m better off than I was
When I thought I was content
Though my mind is vain and childish
Empty and without intent
Yet it holds
The thought that love the way you said
you loved could make the whole world
Matter
And everything real
I thought I could put in song
This feeling of shame and awe
Apparently I was wrong
Cos I don’t know its name at all
So here I am I the flesh
Unguarded and all unkempt
With just the desire left
To tell the entire world
I attempt from love’s sickness
To fly in vain
Since I am myself my own fever
Since I am myself my own fever
And pain
|
|
3. |
|
|
|
|
I’ve got gut rot
My shit is shot
I’m put through my paces
I’ve won high praises
In high places
And no one can take those words back
So if I’m faceless
And faith baseless
The case is I’ve wasted the knack
All I can say
Is to say the unsayable thing
I’ve writing this song
So when my voice is gone
I’ll have something I’m able to sing
Feted and vaunted
Threw the gauntlet and taunted the rest
Oh well—if you’ve got it, flaunt it
You’re an empress undressed.
Shades drawn and haunted,
All I wanted to do was my best
And I did what I wanted to do,
Now I’m destitute,
Restitute me with some rest.
I spent my rent
My best times went
Long day at the races
I’ve kissed fair faces
And their taste is
Always on the tip of my tongue
But the fear stays in
This weird stasis
The phrases unsaid and unsung
All I can sing
Is to sing a sustainable way
I’m writing this song
So when my voice is gone
I’ll be able to speak when I say:
These are the angles,
You can’t argue with it
Nor ransom it, bargain with it
Accept the changes,
And just adjust.
Pain in the ankles,
You can’t argue with it,
Nor ransom it, bargain with it
Like sandy sinkholes
In a desert of dust.
Turn up the vocals,
I can’t hear myself worry out loud.
I am writing this song
‘cos when my voice is gone
I’ll have only the fury,
No sound.
|
|
4. |
|
|
|
|
New York girl
New York night
Heart that's ready for love
in a body that's ready for fight-or-flight
Brooklyn kid
Let me in
It's like an ocean in this New York rain
and I've forgotten how to swim
The city births its brood
The city wises up its kids
The city pours its noise into our bum right ears
so how come it feels as quiet as this
On a New York night
To be a New York girl
On a planet that is just New York
on an ocean around the world
Femme vitale
What you do to me
And what's become of you
You're a living thing
Well, you know that love has power
But you also know that love helps those
Who help themselves, so you keep a
knife in your underclothes
And I will watch you from
The safety of your sheets
And as you take the last thread off, the knife
vlatters to your feet
Femme vitale,
I guess you make me sing
But what's become of me
Am I a living thing
I'd say the water of life
Was in the tears you cried
Dead at the moment that I realized
that there was nothing that I wanted to hide
Just like the water that the rabbi walked on
Thick as the Gowanus Canal
I could be floating on a dead, dead sea
and still be living for my femme vitale
Femme vitale
What you do to me
The granite underneath
Becomes a living thing
Femme vitale
What you do to me
The water underneath
It's under everything
It's under you and me my femme vitale
|
|
5. |
|
|
|
|
California's a raw deal,
Would you deny, would you deny,
would you deny it?
They're selling everything they can steal,
Do you wanna buy, do you wanna buy,
do you wanna buy it?
They're kicking out everyone
the boot can reach,
And they're charging us to cling to the ankles
They're building castles on a shrinking beach
And they're telling themselves that it's stable
And in this land of earthquakes and no weather
I have been planning the rest of
all of our lives together
We can't keep keeping on
Giving what little we get
to some development Don
I'm not inclined to keep kissing the ring
And our cat keeps pissing on things,
Means they know that
home's just a place where there's me
When you can see all the cages
is it strange to want to feel free?
Philly, PA is all right with me
Do you wanna go, do you wanna go,
do you wanna go there?
Where we can pay for our privacy,
Do you wanna go, do you wanna go,
do you wanna go there?
We can sequester some space to share
Do you wanna share, do you wanna share,
do you wanna share it
The time's closing in, I think the place is there
They're bringing down the stick,
Here's the carrot
And the folks here,
well the ones we engage with
They act like they're on stage
and there's no one that I want to age with
They're strangers in arms
Presentations are cool
and their presence lukewarm
And I might not seem so hot and so frigid
Where summer days swelter
and winters freeze city streets rigid
Is where I want to be
When you can see all the cages
It’s strange to think you could ever feel free
We've got more of a choice than the rest,
And I know it's depressing to lose it
But right now's our chance
to choose for the best,
And I've learned when you get a chance
then you use it
The work is the same wherever you go
All that changes are the ways in which you do it
The fight goes on without end and so
You gotta hold on
To whatever gets you through it
And I know that it's needless to say
The way commands lose their meaning
when you’ve learned how to hear and obey
But it's like finding a rhyme
To see structures and forces
and to hope at the same time
And I've laughed more in a month than a year
You go hunting to learn something
and you carry it here
Is it revealing a path to you and me
Or just concealing the difference
between feeling and really being free?
|
|
6. |
|
|
|
|
California smells like rainbows
New York only smells like rain
Put it behind a window
And every city smells the same
Guatemala smells like cooking
And Istanbul like a worker’s sweat,
So tell me without looking
Where it is this song is set.
And do you always have the answer
And do you have a nose that knows
And are you like a dancer
Moving with your eyelids closed?
It makes me call out “Jeepers Creepers,
Where’d you get that point of view?
Are you a true believer,
Or do you only believe what’s true?”
Think of how your parents raised you,
Think of where you went astray,
Think of all the things
You know not to do
And you do them all anyway
Think of how you won’t believe them
Even if they give you proof
Think of what you told
The voices of reason
Again and again and again
Ain’t it the truth?
You do a fine job warping and weaving
Fingers on the winding strings
I do my best believing,
You could tell me anything
But it would be more fair, more sporting
To pause and let the matter wait
When Froggie goes a-courting,
He knows to get his patter straight
Just think of what I have to offer,
Software for a tired brain
Cameras to collect
The moments of comfort
And conversation for the pain
Breakfast in a house of pancakes
Kisses at a kissing booth
Think of all the things I sold you
Again and again and again and again
Ain’t it the truth?
As I recall your mouth was open
And you were singing high and blue
And you were in the moment
And for a moment I was too
Got it recorded on my iPhone
And saved it as an mp3
And now whenever I want
I can make you sing for me.
Fairy in a little beaker
Angel in a time machine
Funny how the speaker
Knows how to sing
Like the singers we have been
And now we’re living in the future
Fountains of eternal youth
Think of what the time has told you
Again and again and again and again
Ain’t it the truth?
|
|
7. |
|
|
|
|
Listening to a joint that I've never heard
by a hometown girl who used to be your wife;
Mining the vinyl for a final word, I'm
sitting here feeling like I missed your life,
Scott Miller
Records full of junk by a record junkie
With more verses than refrains
and more brains than sense
Stand as a record of your stabbing pains
and your stabs at explaining
what you thunk they meant,
Scott Miller
a song about songs about Scott Miller
Scott Miller
what I knew all along about Scott Miller
I oughtta had said it before
Well it's right to be mindful of the dead you're queering
And it's only a theory
But it’s there if you're game;
It's only just a
little-less-lonely feeling
That the only real Sheila
Was behind the name,
Scott Miller
a song about songs about Scott Miller
Scott Miller
what I knew all along about Scott Miller
I oughtta had said it before
And if I was a girl
With dreams about you
I would dream that
you were dreaming
The same dream too
And if I could have dreams
As big as I please
I would dream you exactly
The girl of your dreams
If I could hold you now we'd be desperately squeezing
any old reason
we could find to be proud;
You could face the nation, your lace would be chantilly,
welcome to the family,
time to be loud
Scott Miller
a song about songs about Scott Miller
Scott Miller
what I knew all along about Scott Miller
I oughtta had said it before
Children by the millions
Children by the millions sing
Children by the millions
Children by the millions sing
The same lonely thing
As Scott Miller
|
|
8. |
|
|
|
|
This is a practice
We'll let it protect us
Like the flower in the desert
Or the water in the cactus
Our deep, oldest twitches
Flow into a ritual
Sharing our riches with you
With
All of you who we choose to bring to
This sunlit canyon
This sunlit canyon
We share the things that we Choose to cling to
With wild abandon
We've made a place like a long embrace
Where we hold you captive
And hold the moment captive
And you can come and you can go
But you can't erase
The tapestry you're wrapped with
Because it's made of
Skin & sky. skin & Sky,
what's behind those curtains
and what only gets in the way
Him & i, him & I
Know one thing for certain but it
Changes every day
Your mind gets shifty on you Just when you begin to
Understand it, understand it
It's a place you leave and you Come into
Empty-handed
And it's a place for you to stay when there's nowhere to go
Would you rather? Wouldn't you rather
It's a place to gather at the mouth of a sanguine flow
And to clot with lather
Skin & sky, skin & Sky
First you choose your canvas, then you
Dip your brush in the oil
Him and i, him and I
Stark beneath the surface like a
Little bulb in the soil
Water stinks when you give it time to think
From all the life within it
The little critters in it
Well I can drain the pond, and let the water on its way
Flow on
Just let me think a minute
He lets me live in the alternative
He deceives me and undeceives me
Whatever peace that he can find is the peace he gives
Which is what we want, believe me
Skin & sky, skin & Sky
What's behind those curtains
And what only gets in the way
Him & I, him & i
Know one thing for certain but it
Changes every day
And this is a practice
We act as a filter
Receiving and sieving
You through
Skin & Sky, Skin & Sky,
Just imagine never running
Out of something to say
Him & I, him & i
Know one thing forever and it
Changes every day
|
|
9. |
|
|
|
|
Elevator to my dad's apartment
New York City--home is where the heart is
You stepped in behind me and you shut the door
New York City etiquette is rigid
Be like winter--featureless and frigid
Among strangers make sure you can be ignored
Lest a stray glance
Become a strange dance
You said where you going, I like you
I looked down and then I saw the knife you
Held in your left hand
What was in your right was worse
And I thought, well, the other shoe is dropping
I've been lucky, now my luck is stopping
So damn lucky, never having to rehearse
This strange dance
And I do not know the steps
Strange dance
And I do not know the steps
And I did not feel, was addled with the struggle
So surreal, a battle in a bubble
I could not dodge your lips, I had to watch your knife
Because we both knew the game would have to stop soon
Me and you both running out of options
Just one second,
Every moment of my life
In a strange trance
Thinking what can I do next
In this strange dance
Where I do not know the steps
Strange trance
With a whole world to protect
From this strange dance
Where I do not know the steps
But I could have told you I'm a lot to manage
I'm hard to hold, and so easy to damage
You can't control me
Shit! you can't control yourself
And I said you don't wanna hurt nobody
And you said I'm not trying to hurt nobody
And we both tumbled out into the cold stairwell
And you ran like hell
Into the night
From the strange dance
Where you did not know the steps
From the strange dance
Police detective asked if I would know you
In a lineup, could I point and show you
I said no, cos I really don't recall your face
Just the strange dance
Where I do not know the steps
Strange dance
And there's a great chance
That you did not know the stakes
You just saw something that you thought you'd take
You just saw something that you thought you'd take
On a strange dance
|
|
10. |
|
|
|
|
Valedictorian, valedictorian
Why is it so hard to say goodbye
Would you go back in time in a DeLorean
Just to be born again before you die
She said: I’m a historian, I am the Morrigan
Quarrying bones at the battle scenes
I’ve got the whole Babel library torrented
I take an unwarranted interest in things
I said: Valedictorian, kindhearted coronet
I’m keeping current and making me new,
But yours be the box and the things that I store in it
I take an unwarranted interest in you
I take an unwarranted interest in you
I take an unwarranted interest in you
|
|
11. |
|
|
|
|
All of your life, what you have left
Trapped in a moment that won't open to the next
Caught in a blink, stuck between breaths
Nowhere to go and no idea what to expect
And I know you've been here and you've been out
And now you're back here and it's like you were never free
And I know I can't believe it for you
But I believe it and I'm with you, and I'll stay
Here until the moment falls away
See and the sun is sinking,
Why don't you come to bed
I know what you're thinking and it's poison in your head
See and the fog is lifting
Drifting beyond the bay
You'll see it all green in clover
The world that you thought was over
It's just a momentary spasm of the mind
Hand on your heart and it's thumping
Ring in the year at the chapel of the chimes
I guess it had to be something
All of your life you have assumed
If you want space you'll have to carve it from the world
Like you would pluck a leaf from the branch
Hold it alive for a time but you know that it can't last
And you're turning me over in your fingers
Thinking that while the feeling lingers, it's all right
But I'm not going anywhere tonight
See and the sun is sinking
Why don't you come to bed
I know what you're thinking
and it's poison in your head
See and the bells are ringing
Bringing the day to end
You follow the years behind me
And you will know where to find me
I'm in the orchard growing apples of my eye
Folding up my apple dumpling
Ring in the year at the chapel of the chimes
I guess it had to be something
And time is all the things that happen all the time
Always arrived, always coming
Ring in the year at the chapel of the chimes
I guess it had to be something
When you wake up there's so much to do
I've asked the morning to wait up for you
Honey wake up there's so much to do
The day is forming and it's just for you
|
|
12. |
|
|
|
|
You're at home in a world
Made for us and not you
Is it any surprise that you think
That the bed is for hunting
And the fan-cord for punching
And your camuflage color is pink
And oh I love the way
You remake the world through play
And I am not afraid
To remake the world through play
You were made to be sharp
You were bred to be soft
You were raised to know when to be which
You're a knife in the dark
You're a cushion of warmth
Any second could trigger the switch
But I am not afraid
So you don't have to be afraid
I am not afraid
So you don't have to be afraid
Sometimes even these natural laws
Give you a loophole, retractable claws
We can learn not to cause
Each other pain
Our hearts and our claws
Both need to be maintained
Thumbs are good for holding on with
Even better for letting go
Claws are for shredding the sofa
Letting us know what does and does not feel right
Hands are good for using tools with
Even better for petting you
This is your nail-clipping song
It's a thrill to belong to you
You're a flower with hooks
You're the burdock in June
With the pink burrs that cling to our clothes
And I know how this looks
But you know what I'm doing
Just picking flowers from your beautiful toes
And I am not afraid
So you don't have to be afraid
No, I am not afraid
So you don't have to be afraid
Seems that something is giving you pause
When I ask you to give me your paws
Well sometimes my hair stands up on end too
Which is why I need a friend like you
Thumbs are
Good for holding on with
Even better for letting go
Claws are for shredding the sofa
Letting us know what does and does not feel right
Hands are good for using tools with
Even better for petting you
This is your nail-clipping song
It's a thrill to belong to you
|
| INSTEAD OF SAD SONGS - neanderthal woman, 2021 C.E. |
| tracks 1-3 are kinda baroque and navel-gazey |
| tracks 4, 5, 7, 8, and 9 are a little more like it; they're about other ppl |
| tracks 6, 10, and 11 are your average workaday staged conversations w/ fictional femmes of the sort that make up maybe 67% of all recorded music |
| track 12 is the only one with puns and you probably won't like it if you don't like cats or puns |
| [CW: suicidal ideation, track 1; sexual assault, track 9] |
| all proceeds through Bandcamp to Third Wave Fund |
|
www.thirdwavefund.org |
| or snag it for free and just donate to whoever you want to |
| yourself included |
|
neanderthalwomanmusic@gmail.com for inquiries/random heckling |
| check out Wonderpark Studios; check out Stimmerman, Dirty Bird, and the AEON Ensemble and also the game Get-A-Grip Chip on Steam and Switch |
| give musicians money if you've got money; it's been a long year |
| cool love you bye |